Here is my question... how/when/where does a person decide to embrace medication? I struggle with this question because I have my good and bad days. The bad days have identifiable causes, or so I think. There seem to be stressors in my life that turn up the depression volume. Many of the stressors are temporary or of my own making. I know this because the stressors melt away when they are removed/transformed/explained/accepted/f
I've only been on medication once, and did so because the affects of depression were impacting my work-life. Even though I've facilitated/manifested a lot of sh*tty stuff in my life, my work-life is where I find solace. This may seem strange to some people. Others find work to be a necessary evil or a chore. I find work to be creative and fun. So, it is really quite frustrating when my depression heavily bleeds over to the one place of peace that I have.
It occurs to me that there is an 'average' measure of quality of life. My average is inching up in a spiral that repetitively spins from low to high and back. I suppose I am frustrated with the pace of the improvement and really quite scared of the depths I occasionally sink to. Is it enough for the average to be improving when I feel like I am slowly dying?
I don't self-medicate with the conventional methods. My only true vices are caffeine and excessive kitty-cat petting. The reluctance I have for self-medication probably carries over too OTC medications. However, I really believe that my lack of action results from the shadow of my death wish. I don't 'take care' of myself so I can check-out in a societally acceptable way. There are things I could do for myself to improve my long-term health. I seem to resist these. The momentary depression surely is a factor. It is difficult to take a vitamin supplement for future health when all a person wants to do is end things today. However, I am concerned that my lack of desire to take care of myself is foundational, resisting even the 'good days' of my life.
Here is the question... what is a practical indication that prescription medication of depression is a must? Will medication facilitate my state of mind so I will take better care of myself? Does the typical medication affect the "don't want to be here period" type feelings? I suspect therapy is necessary for this foundational issue. Anyway, your thoughts are appreciated!