April 25th, 2015

Shaman - Horse

Poem - Seeking Control

The call to know oneself, the beauty and madness, leads to many paths. Some people fully embrace the challenge. Others medicate or thrust outward the unwanted parts of themselves. Others seek to merely exit. The answer lies at the beginning, along with the acknowledgment that you are both terribly alone and living life in an incredibly shared reality. The poem “Seeking Control” is about the struggle, mistepped pitfalls, and grounding reality, of understanding oneself.

Seeking Control
Poem for Day 115 – 20150425

To understand oneself,
the switches and buttons,
tripwires and levers,
is a mixed blessing of knowing
in a world most mysterious.

See your reaction as internal,
a thousand million triggers,
combining in the moment now,
reaching out to an unready world
asking only for your sanity.

What to do when clouds of madness gather,
explosions felt by personal individual,
echoing in hallways self only travels,
the tripwire summons holy terrors,
the switch produces crushing sadness?

Those parts of self are so ugly,
some recourse must be made,
push them out to the outer world,
put the masks on persons other,
and blind yourself to the internal.

Numb the nerves, calm the chaos,
put the world in its place.
Chemicals are the needed salve,
but beware of the crushing hand,
reality exits where fantasy stands.

To depart becomes the fondest wish,
remove the self from the world,
exit stage left, or right, or any,
each is a path of self betrayal,
shortcut to a worldly desertion.

Know life is echoed to each other
mutually mirrored in similarity,
each experience unique in itself,
but life shared is enough,
to see yourself in other's actions.

Others are struggling, resisting fate,
not knowing that the phantoms
are creations of a mind run wild.
Seek the connection, unwanted at first,
to see a commonality of life perverse.

To understand oneself,
the good, bad, and ugly,
to see it in others, invariably unconscious,
is to have the mixed blessing of knowing
hope in the form of common action.

© 2015. Sean Green. All Rights Reserved
Shaman - Horse

Poem - Here

“Here” is a pain about medication, whatever the path. People self-medicate with pharmaceuticals, food, and activities. This existence is in the gray area between addiction, survival, and life unwanted.

Bonus Poem for Day 115 – 20150425

Where am I
when the friend
is not

What am I
when life is before
I take the remedy?

Night and day,
it seems to be,
interplay between
what comes before,
living death,
and the place
I'd rather be.

Happiness illusive,
I grasp at it,
realize it,
enough to know
that I exist
without it.

Step away
authority says.
Beware the trap
society says.

Turn my back
on voices unhelpful,
and wonder why
they cannot see
my pain inside,
the place I live,
when I am not

© 2015. Sean Green. All Rights Reserved