June 29th, 2018

Shaman - Horse

Poem - Not to Breathe

The poem “Not to Breathe” is about a very dark ideation. I went ahead and wrote it because of three situations. The first is that I was having this thought, period. Secondly, a once dear friend foretold that I would perish because of breathing issues. Lastly, I had a coughing fit the night before I wrote this poem. It actually caused me to black out for an unknown time. I “came to” yelling because I had leg cramps.

Not to Breathe

I have a wish not to breathe
cease the toil of hanging on
allow air to fully escape
the vessels providing oxygen

promoting another minute alive
an excuse to linger here
far beyond the desired time
longed for by my broken will

existing beyond the stolid mask
what's revealed is a farce
an effort pressed to conceal
the hall of screams inside my head

where these corridors are confused
the up you see is my down
all the color has been removed
when dreams of doom are pursued

viewing strangers too soon expired
fantasies spring from envy's roots
why they could find what I seek
beyond the realm of respiring's bliss

that apparent joy to be alive
escapes my grasp as I exhale
biding time as ambitions lurk
no longer wishing breath again.

© 2018. Sean Green. All Rights Reserved. 20180629.