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Dec. 11th, 2008 @ 09:53 pm A Wonderful Realization and a Challenge
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
This past week I was cleaning up my old office and there I found the tape of "Spiritual Power, Spiritual Practice" by Caroline Myss. I was reminded that it stole my power to hold grudges against people. This rolled into a weekend of learning the level 2 of Healing Touch. The end result was that I have been able to put aside the connections I've attached to peoples' "judgment" of me. I've connected my feelings of unworthiness to these energetic connections. Should I have remembered this quite a while ago? Perhaps, but everything comes in its own time.

Now my challenge goes to the heart of why I continue to embrace feelings of unworthiness. I can't (as easily) blame others. Ah... what a rich challenge.

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Date:December 12th, 2008 02:59 pm (UTC)
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Seems to me that unworthiness, like resentment jealousy and others, is a cultural compromise. It's really hard to stay in the culture and give it up unless you have other "load bearing walls" in place, at least temporarily.

Externally, I have noticed that unworthiness, keeps me from inadvertently triggering negative repercussions. Just me being me in the world, even when I'm at a real low point, I tend to appear arrogant and trigger insecurity in others.

Internally, I have noticed that unworthiness keeps me culturally focused and accountable.

When I fall through my unworthiness I always find genuine humility on the other side. Authentic humility does the "load bearing" ever so much better -- except it's really hard to stay there under cultural pressure. Authentic humility resonates into a "The Emperor has no Clothes" wherever it goes. So -- humililty is only one of the pillars needed to make the shift.

My boggle is that I have never found a way to move from unworthy to humble without systems collapse -- and that's so MESSY!

I suspect, but I'm not sure, that the key is to identify what things -- like worth -- are cultural commodities and just notice how all that works in myself and others. Once I really recognize somethign as a "weather pattern" I'm pretty good at choose sunscreen or long underwear as appropriate.

I am however, a VERY SLOW LEARNER.
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Date:December 14th, 2008 12:53 am (UTC)
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The funny (not haha though) is that I am pretty hardened against what culture thinks as a whole. So... I am halfway there already.

The hard AND easy part of my worthwhile struggles are connected to the (mostly) inward sources. Gotta take care of myself and be "selfish" about life.
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Date:December 12th, 2008 09:36 pm (UTC)
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That's wonderful! What a leap!!

You know.... we come into this life filled with awareness of who we are and why we are hear. But then we begin listening to what others tell us we should be, think, know and say... and we come to believe it.

A friend said once that we are told that there are very brilliant and creative people out there and unfortunately, we are not one of them. Well, that's a lie. WE are - all of us - beautiful, creative, radiant beings. We just need to remember who we are.

Blessings for your journey.
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Date:December 14th, 2008 12:48 am (UTC)
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It is a pretty neat leap... I have the responsibility/opportunity to move forward that much more now.