Big Rowan Ackison (greensh) wrote,
Big Rowan Ackison
greensh

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A Short Attraction Story

Many years ago (in the 90s!) I hung out with a friend that I found to be very attractive. I wondered if she felt the same about me, so I asked her. Her response has stayed with me to this day. She said, "I hang out with you don't I?". While I probably meant sexually attracted, the answer goes to the larger topic of attraction. She wouldn't spend time with me if she did not find me attractive at some level. Friends who hang find each other attractive at some level. These levels blur so much that it is difficult to ask "do you find that person sexually or romantic attractive?". The answer may be yes, but then there is all the other things that connect us in our relationships. The answer "yes or no" is almost not important because the things that keep attraction going are far ranging and nuanced.


AH! I found a point. Romantic and sexual attraction are just the tip of (hopefully!!!) very large icebergs. Discounting falling in lust as this is an entirely different topic, the factors that go into romantic and sexual attraction are multitude. These factors dovetail, or even originate, from more general feelings of attraction, aka as friendship.

As an example, if I was asked if I was romantically attracted to a person I would say yes, but then I would have to give a laundry list of why:


  • They are super smart

  • They geek

  • They are an artist

  • They care until it hurts

  • They are modest

  • They dance

  • They are diverse in their interests and outlooks

  • They have diverse friendships

  • They are both demure and naughty

  • They have neat fashion sense

  • They are sensitive

  • They care about animals

  • They dream

And there are more... these are the ones that come to mind.


There are many factors supersede the physical aspects of attraction, which can be quite nice also. In fact, the non-physical factors are what cement my feelings. There are so many attractive people in the world. The people we find attractive, and perhaps move onto romantic relationships with, have so much more going on than the sexual and the romantic.
Tags: attraction, friends, friendship, romance
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