Big Rowan Ackison (greensh) wrote,
Big Rowan Ackison

  • Mood:

Attachment Types

I find the topic of relationship attachments / relating to be a fascinating one, especially as I have challenges in this area.  Daniel Goleman’s book “Social Intelligence” offers information from the psychologist Phillip Shaver. Shaver says there are three types of attachment. The secure type of attachment is made up of 55 percent of Americans. Securely attached people “see themselves as worth of concern, care and affection, and others as acceptable, reliable, having good intentions toward them”.

The anxious type is made up of 20 percent of Americans. Anxiously attached people are “often angst ridden, they are beset by fears they will be left or found wanting in some way… can be hypervigilant and jealous about imagined dalliances.

Lastly, the avoidant type is made up of 25 percent of Americans. Avoidant people are uncomfortable being emotionally close, finding it hard to trust a partner or share feelings, and getting nervous when their partner seeks to get more emotionally intimate.

I find myself squarely in the avoidant type. I have few of the anxious traits. I have too many of the avoidant traits. I am getting better, moving toward secure, but that’s where I am now. The good news is that I am not a stereotype, and almost nobody should be. Case in point, Shaver says that it was difficult to find avoidant women for a study because of the requirement that they be in a serious long-term romantic relationship. It is noted that few were. I deviate from this in that I started later in life when it came to relationships, but I’ve been in non-stop relationships for the past twenty five years. I suppose my empathic intuitive side mediates the avoidance!
Tags: attachment, relating, relationship

  • Poem - People Walked

    The poem “People Walked” was inspired by a meme that contained the words, “I was waiting for you without knowing it. I’ve waited for you for years.”…

  • Poem - Tears to the Earth

    “Tears to the Earth” is another poem about breadth of love across barriers constructed by society. Tears to the Earth When sorrow weeps in gulfs…

  • Poem - Not for Pickin

    The poem “Not for Pickin” is about all those relationships that ought not be, but yet people long to pursue them anyway. Not for Pickin That…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic
    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.