Big Rowan Ackison (greensh) wrote,
Big Rowan Ackison

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Re: Suicide is not a casual conversational drop-in.

I found myself changing a blog entry on a friend's page today.  Did I do it because I was untruthful?  No, the information was frankly from my heart.  I changed it because I saw something they wrote elsewhere. 

The scoop of my life is that I am terminally depressed.  I have thought ALOT about ways out of it and I am intellectually and (mostly) emotionally comfortable with the concept of suicide.  My comfort does not mean that I can go on about it wherever.  Firstly, it is not a good idea because you can get locked up if the wrong people see it.  Secondly, as my amazing astute friend points out:

I could have a history of suicide among family and friends. Even at the best of times, being reminded of the manner of their deaths out of the blue is unpleasantly jarring. And then you wonder – were their suicidal feelings justified? Would B approve of them taking their own lives, if their feelings were justified by this unknowable system? Or are their actions unjustified even if the feelings are?

Good stuff.  My lesson learned today is to not mention this trigger topic outside of acceptable forums.  This blog is one acceptable forum because I am being myself, warts and all.  I've not written about depression and suicide thoughts in support forums.  Maybe I should, because the my reasons for still being here could be much more valuable to others.

Tags: depression, sharing, suicide, talking

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