Big Rowan Ackison (greensh) wrote,
Big Rowan Ackison

My April Fools Actions

I've been doing stuff for April Fools days the past few years. Last year (2013) I announced that I was giving up photography and moving onto velvet painting. This year (2014) I did a double whammy. I don't think people really figured out the first one, so I'm going to let it percolate some more. BUT... I can tell you about the second.

I announced the following on my Facebook page:

I may be kicked off of Facebook soon. If I'm lucky, I'll just have all my pictures removed and my friend connections deleted. I'm fighting it, but I don't have much hope!

Yesterday I was contacted by the Facebook Social Services (SS) group. They accused me of fraud and of violating the Facebook terms and policies. The new Facebook analytics, Connection Opportunities on Line (COOL), has identified suspicious behavior on my account. COOL measures my potential demographic outreach and compares it to my actual Facebook connections. I'm told that my COOL potential is for less than fifty friends. I instead have over 700 friends, most way outside of my COOL demographic. The extreme difference set off alarm bells with the SS. Because of this I've been ordered to take down all my photos and unfriend all my friends! Why??? It is all because you guys are just too COOL for me.

Facebook says that my Key Indicators Delivery System (KIDS) measurement is impossible. The bottom line is that my COOL KIDS score much lower than my Facebook friend’s COOL KIDS scores. Sigh. Please cooperate with the Facebook SS if they contact you. Thank you!

A flurry of responses followed. Some called me out, others were supporting. At the end of the day I added the following to their comments:

Facebook SS finally contacted me. Good news... I've been given a reprieve.

Mr. Green,

The Facebook Social Services (SS) has reviewed your Connection Opportunities on Line (COOL) score and determined that no further action will be taken at this time. It has been determined that your elevated Deliverable Useful Life Level (DULL) status is not an issue. Your Connection Opportunities on Line Key Indicators Delivery System (COOL KIDS) ranking does cause us concern, and we strongly suggest that you attempt to be as COOL as your Facebook friends, who are have very impressive COOL KIDS rankings. Your COOL score and COOL KIDS ranking will be reviewed at a later date, and you will be quarantined if progress has not been made. That is all. Thank you for your cooperation!

Facebook Social Services

I love April Fools!

Tags: april fools, facebook, prank

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