A FB friend shared an insightful article titled “Mostly Straight, Most of the Time
”. (http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/mostly-straight/) I found the material interesting, but I found the term “mostly straight” to be confusing. Why have that designation? Wasn't the term “bisexual” enough? My FB friend then explained that the range of gender attraction can be broken down into the following buckets:
Heterosexual (Straight), Heteroflexible, Bisexual, Homoflexible, Homosexual (Gay)
This makes sense! Bisexual can be too broad. The other insight I have on these labels is that they speak to the outward manifestation of gender attraction. They speak to how gender attraction manifests in relationships. Put very broadly, the heteroflexible acts as a straight person and the homoflexible person acts as a homosexual person. This “acting” is how the world perceives the person. Inwardly the person is having gender attractions for the gender as themselves.
This range of gender attraction can be uncomfortable for people who are very much one one end or the other, be that end straight or gay. Why? The psychologist would call it “disconnection from frame of reference”. A personal frame of reference describes a person's understanding of the world. The blurring of gender attraction confuses and bewilders people who cannot relate to the variance outside of their experience bubble. This showed up in comments that followed my FB friend's sharing. A person said:
Quoting the comment: “I like it when people just mind their business, and don't label themselves like this. Keep that stuff in private conversation, in the bedroom of two consenting adults. “
I find this to be a back-handed attack. Gender attraction, and the subsequent expression in relationships, is not just an “in the bedroom” thing. Attraction happens all of the time. More often than not there are not two consenting adults. There is just the person and their thoughts of attraction. Moreover, 99.9999% of all forms of attraction do NOT end up in the bedroom. Gender attraction is going on ALL THE TIME. Attraction does not equal the bedroom. Shoot, sometimes the bedroom does not equal attraction.
The article was also speaking to an apparent disconnect between gender attraction and the relationships associated with it. The mostly straight people, be they men or women, may have 0% chance of their same gender attractions end up in the bedroom. Keep it in the bedroom? LOL. There is an an incredible irony, one that the commenter would not understand.
Kudos to my FB friend for sharing the info. Gender attraction and relationship expressions are complex deals. We are “mostly” lots of things. This is the messiness of life. This is the beauty of life.