Big Rowan Ackison (greensh) wrote,
Big Rowan Ackison
greensh

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Lucky Guy

I am a lucky guy. I have all of the material possessions that I currently desire. I have neither the time nor the energy to take advantage of all of them. It is a wonderful thing that I have at least two life time supplies of 'things to do' for my own recreation. I have the ability to attain food of all types until I sicken myself by gorging. I have witnessed beauty, grace, intelligence and adoration. There are wonderful people in my life. I also have in my life the very best of what Carlos Castaneda would call a 'petty tyrant'. My will is sapped and crushed. Feeling powerless, I am challenged to 'survive, do anything I can to resist. This is but a shadow of the selfishness and greed that I sense in the society as a whole. The potential of the human spirit does not scale up very well. Everything in the human nature grows larger as society grows. The loudest voices are crass and insincere. The hum of society is one of perverted growth and cannibalized consumption. Streaks of compassion stand out against this background. I’ve met the young and old who are wise beyond mere mortal years or educational background. In their hands have rested the secrets of reality. The same secrets are voiced by self-serving fools who spin manipulative realities around all they can trap. No spiritual path is immune. No minority is small enough to not prey upon itself. The secrets of the wise become ideologies, and the ideologies become vehicles for the worship of death. Many resist. More are swept along in the current, the uncertainty of their lives fed by the FUD (fear, uncertainty and doubt) of dogma and moralism. Beautiful souls stand outside of the torrent, not needing to resist because they just don’t participate. Wings are on their shoulders and clay are their feet. The clay is sometimes the best. The shadows hold more truths than the vaulted light. Combined, it feels so gray.

I am such a lucky guy. I have plenty of everything. I have enough things, knowledge, tasks, challenges, distractions and temptations. I am even luckier because this is not enough. The faces and voices of sinners and saints surround me. They beckon me to play their games of life. It’s just not enough. I am sick and tired of the games of life. I am so fortunate that I recognize this state. I am so fortunate that I just want to leave all this behind. I really wouldn’t care if I woke up dead. It does not matter. I don’t have enough time or energy to engage in this game. The next stage of life reaches out with a hand that is clean and dirty, pure and tainted, prophet and profane, and all very very human. Screw the games. Maybe I’ll stay to see what happens next. It could be fun, and at the very least, interesting.
Tags: life, lucky
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