Big Rowan Ackison (greensh) wrote,
Big Rowan Ackison

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The Sex Contract

A dear and insightful friend of mine wrote:
There is so much debate in yogic circles about sex and spirituality... to have sex, to not have sex, that sex will drain your spiritual energies, that sex will enhance your spiritual energies. To me, the above quote says it all and is in alignment with how I believe. I personally think that the back and forth over sex goes to a much deeper issue than sex. It goes to how a person feels about his/her own sexuality. Spiritual energy IS sexual energy. There is no merging of the two. So how can sex be bad? We are taught that sex is bad. I say forget books, forget what people say, and do what the body says to do. If the body wants to have sex, then have sex. It is a natural human and animalistic thing to do, and probably the most fun that we can have with our bodies. I think that when sexual fears and questions come up, it is mind chatter, really. I think that the yogic disciplines that say not to have sex are really trying to control something that cannot be controlled and thus cause more problems than it is worth.
I responded with the following (slightly modified). The talk of "B&D" and "S&M" is for contrasting purposes only. I have no idea what my friend’s feelings are on these topics.

Energy comes in many forms. Human beings have a finite amount of it. Additionally, we tend to get scattered when energy is too widely distributed. People are really picky about how they spread their energies around.

What does this have to do with sex? The fears and questions may be idle chatter, but our emotional energy and spiritual integrity are very real. Spiritual contracts are real. Karmic outcomes are real. Can you split your emotions between multiple partners? Can you "live with yourself" after wards? The integrity I speak of is not one of guilt. It is instead one of being true to your beliefs, no matter what they are. We create spiritual contracts in life. Sexual interplay is a powerful tool for creation of spiritual bonds. Sometimes the bonds are that of lives that will never be separated. Sometimes the bonds are merely agreements of sexual/physical hygiene. The twisting or breaking of these contracts can lead to karmic after shocks. IMO humans cannot live without some degree of spiritual contracts. Sexuality, of any most flavor, creates them.

What are the ramifications of full sexual freedom? Do "extreme" sexual practices open widen personal horizons? Maybe or maybe not. Consider if you’re a B&D or S&M type. There is nothing inherently wrong with these when practiced with the consensual. But know that the further away from the "norm" you travel, the fewer matching partners will be found. Only the consensual and available should play in these arenas. I know it seems extreme to compare open sex to these forms of "deviancy" (mega quote-unquote), but talk of open sexual relationships is seen as extreme by much of our society. The far edge of the envelope can be a lonely place when integrity is properly embraced.

What if you embrace the sex and have not come to terms with your existing beliefs? The mantra of "because I can and it is natural" is not enough when the outcome is contrary to the existing belief structure. Can belief structures shift along with behavior? Sure! Is it "wrong" to dissolve existing emotional ties/contracts in pursuit of unfettered expression of the physical, that of animalistic sex? No. Just be darn sure that's what you want, because while you are shifting, your partner(s) may not be. There is no turning back when this course of action is taken. This path emphasizes the fact that life is largely lived in a forward direction.
Tags: contracts, sex

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