Big Rowan Ackison (greensh) wrote,
Big Rowan Ackison
greensh

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One of the Two? Take Both.

There is a joking handyman's sign that says:
1) Do it Cheap
2) Do it Right
3) Do it Fast

Pick two of the three.
We human beings want feedback that is both loving and dispassionate. We want feedback that is both caring and unbiased. We don't believe both are possible. The resulting "feedback sign" looks something like this:
1) Loving and caring
2) Dispassionate and unbiased

Pick one set.
Somewhere along the way we believe that only unique people can give us both. We believe that unbiased people cannot be loving and that caring people cannot be dispassionate. We crave both, but the imagined sign denies this to us. We are left feeling dissatisfied with the feedback we do receive. Resentment builds. This resentment turns inward, nudging us to cast doubt on any feedback, no matter what the source. In the end we choose one of the sets and live the best we can with the disappointment.

I post my very personal foibles to the those who I perceive to be dispassionate and unbiased. My inward "feedback" resentment has carried over to supporting my rejection of family for not supporting me. I see abandonment as the failure of loving feedback. I don't want to repeat this. I still very much resist exposing myself to those who are loving and caring. I don't want to expose myself to those who love me because, once again, they will fail me or abandon me.

The divine humor of life says that there are people all around me who can both love me and provide unbiased feedback. The feedback sign is a lie. The separation is an illusion. God, I wish I could truly embrace this thought. John Powell has a wonderful book named, "Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am? Insights into Personal Growth". I haven't yet been able to completely read John's book. It is a personal challenge for me to do this. I say this before those who are both caring and dispassionate. (smiles)
Tags: acceptance, feedback
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