Big Rowan Ackison (greensh) wrote,
Big Rowan Ackison

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Poem - I Once Lived

Trigger warning: suicidal ideation. “I Once Lived” is a poem about the forms that suicidal ideation may take, and how its transformation over time can be subtle, hidden, and ultimately deadly with little warning.

I Once Lived

I once lived in a land
filled with quicksand pits
deep enough to kill
dragged me down until
I could no longer breath
yet in my lingering pain
I was still very much alive
destined to survive

anguish drove me to madness
the former was just life
driving me to lunacy
within my own four walls
there I found a door
writing to find the link
to others outside of angst
or those who shared my shame

here is the rub I try to say
that end of times came to mind
it was a thought I've long had
yet I stayed away from its hand
the quicksand pits have now gone
I no longer wallow there
you'd think me safe from the dread
this is not the case my worried friend

sanity seems to be the ruler
in a land with firm surface
if you look beyond the lines
of failing spirit in the ground
when there are no walls, no prison cell
the way of the world is my peril
one day I will be just fine
and then the next I'll find cleft

the land I walk has solid ground
mostly though, there are the cracks
waiting for a misstep taken
before they swallow another victim
three foot and a mile deep
the crevice yawns aside my feet
waiting for when I sway
to swallow life and convey tears

I worry that the warning falters
when the precipice is so sudden
here I am one day you'll see
and then bam --- six feet deep
simple dirt would will be my cover
set with flowers above the fissure
where I fell to the Grim Reaper
by the breaches hand and this speaker.

© 2017, Sean Green. All Rights Reserved. 20170213.
Tags: depression, poem, suicide

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