Big Rowan Ackison (greensh) wrote,
Big Rowan Ackison

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Poem - Dymorphic

“Dysmorphic” is a poetic examination of how I feel about my body. A webpage I found says this of dysmorphia, “Body Dysmorphic Disorder, or BDD, is a disorder in which your perception of your body does not align with reality. People with BDD are caught up in a cycle of obsessive thoughts about one or more parts of their body which they believe to be noticeably flawed--the word "dysmorphia" itself means "malformation.". This is distinct from gender dysphoria, which is characterized by “...sense of restlessness, anxiety, dissonance, or distress, and is the linguistic opposite of a sense of euphoria. Trans people experience this sense of distress when they contemplate the difference between the reality of their body, and the way they believe their body should be in order to align with their sense of self”.


Dysmorphic is my worldly view
malformation thought to be true
in three dimension I am trapped
wishing I were not myself
this earthly vessel in which I reside
is now my prison I'll not abide
with self loathing I'll admit
God played a joke to put me here.

Convicting words heard by the self
not what the world has to say
I'm much more harsh, this I know
it does little good to my soul
mercy's given by other eyes
but not my own in judgment’s ire
to damn the whole to spite the small
this is my lot as I reproach.

Grotesqueness put upon the world
I think I'm to blame for wickedness
far too much credit taken here
I wish my mind could be convinced
with too much there or not enough
form misshapen by nature's hoof
the brain decries the discord there
waiting for the world to withdraw.

I'd hide if I could run away
though this I do from mirror's face
never the two shall confront
myself and my reflected fiend
denial is my greatest tool
avoided glass with image dual
I think therefore I am
still I'll ignore my unwanted corpse.

I'll take care the best I can
this flawed vessel of a man
it's the only show in town
unless I leave, put it down
purgatory may be my place
while I live upon this plane
so I'll accept with gritted teeth
this humor God’s bequeathed.

© 2017, Sean Green. All Rights Reserved. 20170329.
Tags: dysmorphic, poem, self

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