Big Rowan Ackison (greensh) wrote,
Big Rowan Ackison
greensh

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Poem - Now My Lot

The poem “Now My Lot” was inspired by the quote “There used to be a void inside of me, but now there's nothing” written by Tumblr user @winterleapingfrog. The verses speak to the difference between having a void that others can fill and the numbing emptiness that allows nobody inside. The former is terrible. The latter is worse.


Now My Lot

Once I had a screaming void
a vacancy that overwhelmed
the otherness on all sides
surrounded by anger’s shoals
echoing rage at life’s wrongs
a million voices all my own
the loneliness was so dark
absorbing light into itself
reflecting back the counterpart

companionship was thought the balm
the fix to all that hurt
injustice vanquished in the end
the champion was at last found
they answered the sirens call
sacrificed the best of life
this vanity became their stand
fighting life on two fronts
slaying demons in endless swarms

the inky depths took a wage
stealing more than their due
while pretending to respond
the battle raged as my hero fought
embracing a contract none should sign
for sanity lost in both of us
realizing too late that victory
was gained at ruin’s prompt
one to save while the other lost

emptiness is now my lot
a vacancy without voice
nor substance found to stand upon
what was a lake is now a line
the old gloom shrunk to a point
so much less than a void
now the blackness has been replaced
the silence there reflects life
only I exist in aftermath.

© 2018. Sean Green. All Rights Reserved. 20180610.
Tags: loneliness, poem
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