Big Rowan Ackison (greensh) wrote,
Big Rowan Ackison

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The Disconnected Heart

Why is my heart disconnected? Before I go there I must ask, what is a disconnected heart? These words have two meanings to me. The first is an absence from the life process of myself. I do things, say things and write things that do not connect with me. The second expression is that of disconnection with others. The outcome is the suppressing of emotions or unwanted expression of emotions. These two results have a root cause. So, how does a connected heart contrast with a disconnected heart? What is the source of disconnection? The path to the answer begins with an understanding of what the heart is.

The heart is the root of emotions. The heart is the source of emotions of all types. Compassion and love allows for the range of emotions from joy to anger, satisfaction to rage and contentment to disappointment. The heart is capable of experiencing all of these. There are no objective measurements of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ placed on the emotions. Instead, there is an understanding of when there has been enough. Enough, everything in its time and place, is the cornerstone of those things that the heart is universally known for. Compassion, love and empathy spring from the interplay of emotions. They exist in the intersection of the human emotional experience. I will lump the three – compassion, love and empathy - into the word ‘love’.

A person with a disconnected heart is either not capable of experiencing emotions, nor can they translate the felt emotions into that thing called love. Emotions are absent or they are divorced of compassion and empathy. A destructive dichotomy is sustained. Some emotions are suppressed. Other emotions are given open reign. The lack of inward and outward compassion allows the person to come from a place of blinded selfishness. The destruction reaches into the person, allowing for a cruelly dispassionate life story to evolve. The destruction reaches out to others, allowing actions without compassionate thoughts for others. The result is a person who is isolated from themselves and others.

The disconnected heart does not have the tools to fix itself. The isolation creates chasms of separation across which no aid can be delivered. Self found solutions are empty or they further feed the inherent selfishness of the disconnected heart. I want to be clear that emotions are still felt. In some ways, the emotions are even more intense. The sadness of the situation is that the emotions either shallowly placate the pain or they nurture the heart’s separation. It is seems that it better not to feel emotion. This is a dark road to walk. Emotions are strong. They will find a way and a time to express themselves. A heart lacking in compassion and empathy cannot direct this eventual torrent. The purging is like the unrepressed emotions, sour and repairing nothing.

When does a heart become disconnected? How is the separation manifested? As I write this I see the culprit to be selfishness. The selfishness does not standalone. It is aided and abetted by dishonesty. The two allow for full manifestation of both suppression and improper expression of emotions. The selfishness gives permission for disconnection. The dishonesty provides the continued fuel for disconnection. The end result is a heart that stands alone, largely incapable of compassion, love and empathy.

The deepest sadness of the disconnected heart is the pain felt by the owner of the same heart. Self-love is absent. Compassion for personal weaknesses is absent. In their place are condemnation and judgment. There is a gulf at the person’s feet, separating them from the rest of the world. Indeed, they are separated from their own self. The island of buried emotions and misdirected emotions is one of toxins and poisons. Others are affected. Those negatively impacted rightfully draw back, reluctant to be exposed to harm. They can escape to some degree. There is no escape for the person with the disconnected heart. There is only diversion and deadening. All emotions are temporarily submerged by the use of substances or charged actions. These are temporary, sometimes adding physical and psychic addictions to the challenges of the emotional gulf. All of this occurs in a place not visible to others.

This is heart disconnection. These are the roots and the symptoms. This is my experience. These ruminations will be the fuel of my next question, when is my heart disconnected? When do I embody selfishness and dishonesty in my emotional life? This is a question to be answered another time.
Tags: disconnected, heart

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